Monday September 25th

Day 95, Session 27:
Location: On the train and at my desk at work.
First song: Between Song Banter by Moxy Fruvous
Last full song: Bikers by Ben Folds Five
Progress: 379-397 of 4316
Total Songs Heard: 348

The wife and I recently became homeowners for the first time. In a development that I'm sure will shock anyone who has owned a place before, not everything has gone smoothly. Turns out our basement takes on water. Yep, takes on water through one of the walls despite the previous owner signing a document saying the basement had never taken on water, and an inspector looking at the walls of the house and saying "no water here." Seeing the water come flooding into our bathroom immediately filled me with two thoughts:

1) This is America, we'll sue! Surely between the previous owner and the inspection company someone should have been up front/noticed the whole water in the basement thing. Sadly, according to our lawyer, unless the cost of fixing the problem is huge, we're basically SOL and should chalk this up to the costs of being a home owner. Personally I think that is bullshit, but I don't have any sort of lawyerin' background, so we're kinda forced to take his word for it.
2) We abandon the house and move! Sure financially this is a horrible idea. I'm pretty sure we're still on the hook for the place even if we do abandon ship. One of today's songs however gave me an idea of where we could go. Before we do take this radical plan, I thought it would be best to come up with a list of pros and cons for moving to Big Rock Candy Mountain. (BRCM from here on out.)

One evening as the sun went down and the jungle fire was burning
Down the track came a hobo hiking and he said boys I'm not turning
I'm headin for a land that's far away beside the crystal fountains
So come with me we'll go and see the Big Rock Candy Mountains.

Con- "A land that's far away" - we live about a 6 hour drive from the parents now, it'd be nice to live a little closer to family. A land that's far away sounds farther away.
Pro- "beside the crystal fountains" - Crystal fountains sound nice, would probably raise local real estate values making eventual resale easier.

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains there's a land that's fair and bright
Where the handouts grow on bushes and you sleep out every night
Where the boxcars are all empty and the sun shines every day
On the birds and the bees and the cigarette trees
Where the lemonade springs where the bluebird sings
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

Pro- "land that's fair and bright" - Assuming they're talking about the weather, who could complain about fair and bright?
Pro/Con- "handouts grow on bushes" - Less panhandlers is good, but I'm not sure how the larger ramifications of a bush based economy would work.
Con- "you sleep out every night" - I like sleeping indoors.
Con- "the boxcars all are empty" - It sounds as though there may be bandits on the way to BRCM which are robbing the boxcars. May also indicate mafia presence in town. Either way, someone was waiting for what was supposed to be in those boxcars, now it's gone.
Pro- "and the sun shines everyday On the birds" - Again, sunshine is good, and who doesn't like birds.
Con- "and the bees" - I've long been an advocate of bee eradication. Bees in BRCM allows the eventuality that those bees will cross breed with Africanized Killer Bees. Nobody wants killer bees in their town.
Con- "and the cigarette trees" - Smoking is gross.
Pro- "Where the lemonade springs where the bluebird sings" I like singing bluebirds and, while I'm not a huge lemonade fan, who could argue with lemonade coming straight from springs? Unless you're worried about the potential soil instabilities that the root systems of an underground crop of lemon trees could cause, then this could be a Con.

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains all the cops have wooden legs
And the bulldogs all have rubber teeth and the hens lay soft boiled eggs
The farmer's trees are full of fruit and the barns are full of hay
Oh, I'm bound to go where there ain't no snow
Where the rain don't fall and the wind don't blow
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

Con- "In the Big Rock Candy Mountains all the cops have wooden legs" - With the previously alluded to crime problems in BRCM and the surrounding area, I'd like able bodied cops around should problems arise.
Con- "And the bulldogs all have rubber teeth and the hens lay soft boiled eggs" - I've never had any problems with bulldogs so I see pulling and replacing their teeth to be unnecessarily cruel. Soft-boiled eggs? First of all yuck, I prefer fried or scrambled. Second, I'm assuming if the eggs come out pre-soft-boiled I wouldn't be able to use them in recipes. What if I want to bake brownies or make a cake?
Pro- "The farmer's trees are full of fruit and the barns are full of hay" Nothing wrong with either of these things.
Con Con Con- "Oh, I'm bound to go where there ain't no snow Where the rain don't fall and the wind don't blow" - What?? I was all for the general nice weather in BRCM, but this is going too far. I like the occasional rain, and I love a nice snowstorm every once in a while. I like my life with seasons. If I wanted warm and sunny every single day, I'd move to Arizona. I suppose the fact that the wind don't blow makes it very difficult for different weather fronts to move in.

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains you never change your socks
And the little streams of alcohol come a-trickling down the rocks
The brakemen have to tip their hats and the railroad bulls are blind
There's a lake of stew and of whiskey too
You can paddle all around 'em in a big canoe
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

Con- "In the Big Rock Candy Mountains you never change your socks" - I'm all for being lazy about socks but after 3 or 4 days mine really start to stink. Mulitply my sock stink by the population of BRCM... ewwww.
Pro!- "And the little streams of alcohol come a-trickling down the rocks" - Holy shit. Alcohol streams? The strongest pro-BRCM argument yet.
Pro/Con- "The brakemen have to tip their hats and the railroad bulls are blind" - Polite brakemen, good. Blind bulls near the railroad tracks, possibly bad for both train and bull.
Pro- "There's a lake of stew and of whiskey too" - When I was kid I didn't much like stew, but now I occasionally will indulge in stew. When I was a kid I liked whiskey. Now I love it and indulge as often as my liver will allow.
Con- "You can paddle all around 'em in a big canoe" - I don't think paddling a canoe through my dinner and after dinner drink is particularly sanitary.

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains the jails are made of tin
And you can walk right out again as soon as you are in
There ain't no short handled shovels, no axes saws or picks
I'm a goin to stay where you sleep all day
Where they hung the jerk that invented work
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

Con- "In the Big Rock Candy Mountains the jails are made of tin And you can walk right out again as soon as you are in" - With the obvious crime problems in BRCM we'll need strong jails to keep the criminals in. Add in the quick and easy availability to alcohol and you'll also need some strong drunk tanks to allow folks to sleep it off. Tin jails serve neither of these purposes. These rampant crime issues should more than offset any property value bumps from the crystal fountains.
Pro- "There ain't no short handled shovels, no axes saws or picks" - As long as they still have the internet, I'm ok with the lack of hand tools.
Con- "I'm a goin to stay where you sleep all day" - Another sad wave at the fact that I'm getting older. Once upon a time sleeping all day seemed like a fine idea. Now, I want to spend as little time possible sleeping. There's too much playing to do to spend all day in bed.
Pro- "Where they hung the jerk that invented work" - Working is teh suck and interferes more with playing than sleep does. I'm all in favor of hanging the guy who invented it.

I'll see you all this coming fall in the Big Rock Candy Mountains

No, you won't. Upon further review, even with the current water in the basement problems, I believe I'm still better off staying in my current home. While it is tough to deny the BRCM pros of easy and easier access to alcohol, the cons of an unsustainable economic model as well as an apparent tolerance, even encouragement, of lawlessness make BRMC sound like a risky proposition for building a future.