from It's Coming Down to It's The End Of The World...

Day 974, Session 156:
When/Where: Wednesday February 25th - Grocery run.
First song: It's Coming Down by Cake
Last full song: It's The End Of The World As We Know It by R.E.M.
Progress: 2925-2936 of 7114
Total Songs Heard: 2026

Which is worse: a group goes on hiatus with no real intention ever to return (Fruvous) or a group member leaves by "mutual agreement" but the rest of the group stays together (BNL)?

Although it happened over a week ago now, I'm still confounded by the whole Steven Page has left Barenaked Ladies thing. As far as I can tell, this leaves BNL about 50% down on songs they can perform live without Steve. Sure, maybe I traditionally have like "Ed songs" better, but still, what kind of BNL show will it be knowing you have no chance of hearing Break Your Heart, or Old Apartment, or Brian Wilson? Oh yeah and how the hell are they going to do If I Had $1000000? That one is a duet. Actually, I think Kaylor and I should now join the group specifically to do that song.

I suppose it's not really a surprising. They've been together for 20 years, and Steve wants to try new things. Nothing wrong with that. I just hope that's all it is. Last year was a very difficult one with Steve's arrest and Ed's plane crash. I hope it really is a move that Steve wanted to make and not a move that the band felt like they had to make. Hopefully VH1 will not have to refilm the ending of the Barenaked Ladies' Behind the Music (they still make those right?) to tell the story of Steve's downward spiral or the group's move to Vegas to open for the all new Celine Dion Canadian Rock Spectacle.

My guess? Both parties will come out of this ok. BNL will continue to make good music even with a noticably different sound. Steve Page will find success in his new ventures, and in a few years, we'll all be able to by tickets to a BNL/Steve summer reunion tour to celebrate 25 years of music. Even if that's not how it works out, they had a heck of a run.

(Side note for obsessive BNL fans like me: Has anyone else noticed the prescient titles of the two new songs from their greatest hits CD? Thanks That Was Fun and It's Only Me (which is sung by Steve.) We all should have seen this coming back in 2001.)

It's Only Me (The Wizard of Magicland - Live) - Barenaked Ladies
It's Only Me - Barenaked Ladies

from It's to It's Christmas Time

Day 969, Session 155:
When/Where: Friday February 20th - Around the house on general cleaning duty.
First song: It's by King Missile
Last full song: It's Christmas Time (Oh Yeah) by Barenaked Ladies
Progress: 2911-2924 of 7112
Total Songs Heard: 2014

My friend Rachel over at Tales From The Deep tagged me on one of those meme things. I've never been tagged before, so why the heck not?

Here's the bit:

The honorees are to list 10 honest things about yourself - and make it interesting, even if you have to dig deep!

1) I enjoy breaking up bar fights. The look on a drunk angry guy's face when he's trying to jump into a fracas and suddenly a guy my size is standing in his way is hilarious. It always takes the fight out of them, at least it has so far.
2) I ran track in middle school and played tennis in high school because those were two teams you couldn't get cut from.
3) I don't do caffeine.
4) When I'm watching TV (which I do a lot) and characters are acting in some sort of pitiful or stupid manner sometimes I'll get so uncomfortable that I have to stop watching. (Extras was really good at that.)
5) The first time I saw "The Green Mile" in the theater, I wept through the whole thing. Loudly.
6) Sometimes I wish the cops had actually shot me. Nothing life threatening mind you, but getting shot in the leg would have been a nice lawsuit.
7) I grew some kick ass mutton chops while on spring break sophomore year of college. I loved them, and was also convinced that they helped me with the ladies. (When in reality, it was probably the thought that the chops were helping that actually helped (if that makes any sense.)) The Wife says she will shave me in my sleep if I grow them again.
8) If I had unlimited resources, I would travel the world looking for the world's greatest mozzarella stick.
9) I wish I had learned to ice skate. I hope there are classes somewhere that teach parents and kids how to skate together so I can take Gummi.
10) I fear that I will never find any sort of employment that will make me happy. Or actually at this point, any sort of employment.

It's All True - The Lemonheads

(and if you're wondering whether I embarked upon this exercise specifically because that song came up, well, you wouldn't be not right.)

10 years ago

I turned 33 last week. 33 really didn't feel any older than 32 until I remembered that it has now been 10 years since I had the best concert experience of my entire life. For some reason, hitting the 10 year anniversary of anything seems a lot longer than 9 years. It must be the extra digit.

February 3rd, 1999 Moxy Fruvous played at Canal Street in Dayton. Canal Street is a venue fits at most 200 people. We got there early and managed to get a seat off to the side of the stage, probably 30 feet away from the band. They started playing sometime around 10:30 and "finished" right at the stroke of midnight. When they came back onstage for their encore the girls I was at the show with (Sarah and Betsy) started yelling that it was my birthday. Then this happened:

My Birthday Medley - Moxy Fruvous

It was awesome. For years it lived on in memory only. Then, thanks to the magic of the internets, a very nice person on the fruhead.com message board sent me a copy of the show. Now I'd like to share that show with you.

Fruvous Live at the Canal Street Tavern - 2/3/1999

If you go strictly by number of concerts attended, Moxy Fruvous is my 2nd all-time favorite band (behind Barenaked Ladies) but sadly they've been on "hiatus" for 9 years. Luckily, archive.org has 45 Fruvous shows ready for downloading and since every Fruvous concert was a new experience (the banter was almost as much fun as the music) it helps fill the void of no new music for years (and probably never again.)

Enjoy.

Keep an eye on this space rest of the week... tomorrow, look for a "live" blog as the project hits song 2000. Then the plan is to make the 1001-2000 mix available by the end of the week.

Oh, and I may need to move soon.

from Invisible to Island

Day 947, Session 153:
When/Where: Thursday January 29th - At home.
First song: Invisible by Modest Mouse
Last full song: Island by Ben Taylor
Progress: 2713-2728 of 6761
Total Songs Heard: 1995

Freshman year of college I made the 9 hour drive from Dayton to Philly to spend the first major break with my high school friends (oh, and I suppose to have Thanksgiving dinner with my family on Dad's side.) The night before Thanksgiving I went out to dinner with my friend Liv and his family (who had really been my second family when I lived away from my own senior year) and a bunch of their family friends. We went into the city and had dinner in Chinatown. It was a big group, probably 15 people or so, and when I looked around I noticed one small difference between me and everyone else at the table: I was the only person not speaking Chinese.

That wasn't the only thing I noticed when I looked around. Two tables over there was a girl. Well ok, there was a girl and her family, but I didn't really see the family. She looked to be college aged and she was very very attractive. Since I was having trouble following the conversation at the table, I found my eyes wandering over to the girl about every 6.5 seconds. (That may be an exaggeration. It was more like every 2.1 seconds.)

Sometime right after I finished my soup, something strange happened. I looked over, and the girl was looking at me. Knowing I had been caught, I immediately became very interested in the silverware pattern the restaurant was using. (Would it surprise you to learn that I was the only one at the table who needed silverware? I didn't think it would.)

Of course, my sense of shame doesn't run all that deep, so a minute or two later I ventured another glimpse at this (now elevated in my mind to "heavenly") girl and lo and behold she was looking at me AGAIN! This time she looked away. I immediately elbowed my friend Liv and asked him if he had seen what just happened. Of course I managed to ask him right as everyone else at the table had gone quiet. Seems someone at the table was in the middle of a prayer. Guh.

After I was sure praying was over, I again asked Liv to take a look over at the girl to a) confirm that she was hot and 2) see if she was looking over. His answers, "YES!" and "yes?!?" Well, now I was just confused. I looked over again and we had our first extended eye contact. We shared hellos from across the room. She indicated that she noticed the "one of these kids is not like the other" eating situation. I gave it a smile and a shrug.

Dinner arrived so I turned my attention to eating. We stole occasional glances for the next 15 minutes while I planned my next move. Seriously? I had no next move. What was I going to do, get up in the middle of dinner and walk over to her and tell her that even though I was only going to be in town for three days and even though the next day was Thanksgiving I wanted to spend as much of the next 72 hours as humanly possible with her because even though we hadn't spoken a word I had fallen utterly in love from the other side of the restaurant?

But then, why not? I was 18. Anything seemed possible.

I had just about worked up the nerve to excuse myself to "look for the restroom." I looked over to try to get her attention to "arrange the meet" and she was gone!

Well, she wasn't quite gone yet. Her family was walking toward the door. She was looking at me and our eyes locked. She stopped at the door for 3 seconds that stretched on for days, smiled sadly, waved, and slipped through the door and out of my life forever.

An Irishman In Chinatown - Luka Bloom

from Inflatable Amy to Into The Mystic

Day 919, Session 151:
When/Where: Thursday January 1st - 36,000 feet over somewhere (the return.)
First song: Inflatable Amy by The Argument
Last full song: Into The Mystic by Glen Hansard & Markéta Irglová
Progress: 2113-2139 of 6078
Total Songs Heard: 1964

Vegas travels, part 2:

First things first (and this won't mean anything to you unless you fly Southwest Airlines) we checked into our flight at the very moment that check-in opened up, and we ended up with B11. That means in the 15 seconds (at most) between when check-in opened and when we checked in, 55 people checked in before us. I should have realized this was an omen.

Because we got on the plane much later than we usually do, The Wife and I took the 1st available pair of seats we can find. In row 7 we find our seats (did you know that rows 7 & 8 on planes without a first class section often have more leg room?) and after looking around to assure there are no kids near us we say hello to the nice older lady by the window and take our seats. Immediately upon sitting down the nice old lady proceeds to cough hard enough and long enough to make me absolutely certain she's a lunger. So this is going to be a pleasant 4 hours. AND THEN...

Just before take off, The Wife stands up to make some pre-flight adjustments and her face goes pale. "I don't believe it," she says. I follow her eyes and GODSDAMNIT! It's the kid! and his worthless mother! AGAIN! This time they are on the other side of the aisle and one row behind us. They must have gotten on the plane after we took our seats, because there's no way in hell we would have missed them on intial inspection. 30 seconds after the plane has left the ground, the screaming begins again. I CAN NOT believe it.

So again, I didn't get to do a whole lot of reflecting during this segment as the music was turned up really loud so as to drown out the coughing on the right and the screaming from the left.

I decided to stop after Into The Mystic even though we had 90 minutes left in the flight because if I can't enjoy Into The Mystic (and at this point I couldn't) then there was no point in going on.

Here is how Into The Mystic should be listened to: Get yourself a glass of something (I recommend bourbon on the rocks,) turn down the lights, turn up the music (but not blasting into your ears up,) and let your soul and spirit fly.

Into The Mystic - Glen Hansard & Markéta Irglová

I also heartily recommend the original Van Morrison version of the song, but I don't have that one in my collection for some reason. Oh, all right, here it is:

After we got off the plane, we overheard the conversation from the people sitting directly in front of the kid. They couldn't believe no one would stop this kid from crying and kicking the chair for 4 consecutive hours. I told them it could have been worse. It could have been 5. We all laughed, but I don't think any of us felt any better.

According to my sister (who was seated across the aisle and behind the kid for the flight out) the bad mother did not sleep for the entire flight out (which is what we thought she was doing. The Wife and I assumed she was sick.) Nope, apparently she was awake long enough to have several drinks on the flight. Unbelievable.

As a public service, using my new camera phone, I took a picture of the woman as we waited at baggage claim. Please be aware that if you see this woman and her kid on a plane you are also on, you should immediately rebook your flight and possibly change your travel plans to go to an entirely different city. (I realize the picture isn't very clear, but it's not like I could go up to her and ask her to pose for it.)

from In The Days... to Inbetweener

Day 903, Session 148:
When/Where: Tuesday December 16th - Music to shovel snow by.
First song: In The Days Of The Caveman by Crash Test Dummies
Last full song: Inbetweener by Sleeper
Progress: 2090-2103 of 6082
Total Songs Heard: 1927

There's a reason the tag i got nothin' exists. Good songs today, but nothing that jarred loose a particularly strong sentiment to write on.

I heard this particular group while shoveling the first substantial snowfall of the season. It was the perfect snow. About 5 inches of dry light powder. It brushed easily off the car and really wasn't much of a big deal to shovel. It probably took me all of 15 minutes to shovel. Sure it wouldn't have made very good snowballs, but it was exactly the sort of snow that is wonderful to look at assuming you don't hate everything winter. We're supposed to be getting the first 'big one' of the season tonight from the same storm that left 3 inches of snow in Vegas (hope the snow's still there when I get to Vegas next week.)

I like snowfall because it means I finally get to be a contributing member of our "condo association." It gets quotes because there's only three units in our association, so all of the grounds maintenance is the responsibility of everyone who lives here. The upstairs neighbors do all of the planting and gardening, the back yard neighbor did most of the lawn mowing, and I generally avoid outside all spring/summer/fall so I don't feel guilty seeing them work. Once winter rolls around it's a different story! I like the cold! I like shoveling! I contribute!

The bad news: despite the ease with which the shoveling went, I woke up the next morning to the unpleasant surprise of a sore lower back. Like, really sore. Sore to the point where I actually broke out the heating pad to try to get the damned thing to loosen up. I am 1000 years old. (<-- hidden song lyric.) So yeah, I've got nothing here, outside of the standard "my body is breaking down at an alarming rate" complaints. Instead of dragging us both through my lack of creative process I instead leave you with this flashback to 1995. If you were around college age and listened to the station in your town that was called "The Edge" or "The X" surely you'll be magically transported. If you're like me, you'll also wonder... Whatever happened to Spacehog?

In The Meantime - Spacehog

from If I Never See Your Face Again to Impossible Germany

Day 881, Session 146:
When/Where: Monday November 24th - car/Target/car/Best Buy/home
First song: If I Never See Your Face Again by Maroon 5
Last full song: Impossible Germany by Wilco
Progress: 2172-2196 of 6108
Total Songs Heard: 1893

It was busy afternoon of choring. For the first time, the wife and I are hosting a major family holiday. Both of our immediate families (Us, 4 parents, 2 sisters, 1 brother, 1 brother-in-law, 1 sister's +1, and a nephew in a pear tree (plus 2 dogs)) are coming to town for Thanksgiving dinner at our house. We bought the turkey and most of the dinner supplies Sunday afternoon. Since we were shopping together, I went iPod-less, which saved the good folks at Jewel another shot at hearing me sing as I walked through the aisles.

The Wife's birthday is on Thanksgiving (She claims it's on Thursday and Thursday just happens to be Thanksgiving, but I know for a fact her birthday is on Thanksgiving every year,) so I had to go out shopping again Monday to do some birthday shopping as well as final family prep. What Jewel got to avoid became Target's cross to bear, and what a cross it was.

Not too far along into my Target search for a baby gate (in order to nephew proof our basement stairs) came one of those songs that stops me in my tracks every time I hear it. I think I've mentioned before, I don't have a very complicated romantic history. I've had enough serious long-term relationships to count on both hands... as long as you limit yourself to not using fingers and only counting the entire hand as one. I did some sporadic dating in between the two relationships (sporadic in this case being code for "not much") but other than the high school girlfriend and The Wife, nothing really progressed beyond 'dating.'

Since I've ended half my long term relationships by getting married, I don't have a lot of relationship related regret. That's the weird thing about If It's The Beaches by The Avett Brothers. The song is so good, that it makes me wish I could apply it to my life. The longing lyrics and plaintive music hit hard, even at the start where it's just one voice and a guitar. And the way it builds... voice and guitar, then violin/cello/second guitar, then finally at 2:35... piano. The piano isn't playing power chords either, but it fills the space in the song in such way that it sounds like Seth Avett has spent the whole song building up this alternate relationship history and if you, the other end of this lost relationship, could just hear it... Hear the words, hear the music, hear how the whole world will be full again if only you could go back.

Like I said, I can't really relate, and yet, apparently I can.

If It's The Beaches - The Avett Brothers (highly recommended as a headphone song, the build of the song through headphones fills my entire head.)

As an added bonus, here's a high quality video (you are watching all your youtube in high quality right?) from a show I went to in Newport, Kentucky earlier this year. I can't be seen in the video, I was slightly behind the throng on the left.



But wait there's more: I also don't understand working on a farm with my family and some migrant workers, but that doesn't change the fact that this song will be my official morning wake up once I do go back to work. I hate the morning, but I think if I'm waking up to the Sunparlour Players I won't hate it quite as much. (As long as the creeks don't actually rise.)

If The Creeks Don't Rise - Sunparlour Players (also headphone recommended)

Now for something I do understand: Swedish furniture. In my little section of the living I am surrounded by Ikea. My computer desk is Ikea and we have three Billy-the-bookcases ("Hello.") I was living in Philly when the first U.S.-based Ikea opened in New Jersey. I never understood why it was such a big deal until I needed to buy my own furniture (as opposed to stealing it from my parents basement.) Now I totally understand why New Jersey has a "God-damned Swedish parade." The only downside of this song is once you hear it a few times, you'll never be able to go to Ikea again without humming the song to yourself. Ah the genius of Coulton.

Ikea - Jonathan Coulton

Happy Thanksgiving everybody. If we manage to survive the family visit, I'll see you next week.

from If I Had $1,000,000 to If I Had...

Day 874, Session 145:
When/Where: Monday November 17th - Afternoon chorefest: car/Jewel/home
First song: If I Had $1,000,000 by Barenaked Ladies
Last full song: If I Had A Rocket Launcher by Bruce Cockburn
Progress: 2133-2141 of 6069
Total Songs Heard: 1868

First of all, once again, F you iTunes. I won't bore you with the details of exactly why it happened, but when I started iTunes this morning, I had to rebuild my iTunes library. Just like the last time, after the initial rebuild, I had to re-rebuild the library because iTunes couldn't find over 1000 songs. I can understand why it would miss those songs since they were hidden away... in the iTunes folder. It's not a huge deal, except for the part where a big part of doing this project right means being able to track stats. Now all the stats are f-ed.

Anyway...
9 tracks, but only 4 different songs today. Started with 3 versions of If I Had $1,000,000. This is the song that launched my fandom of BNL. I had never heard of Barenaked Ladies (despite my affinity for scantily clad women) before my freshman year in college. 2nd semester Joey and I got a radio show and BNL showed up on our playlist. We were hooked immediately.

That started a whirlwind affair with BNL that saw me attend something like 8 shows in the space of 18 months. Of course this was also pre-One Week which meant you could go to a BNL show and actually get to be close to the band and do fun things like throw mac and cheese at the stage when they sang the "we wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner" line. I still love the guys today, but it hasn't been the same since their shows moved from mid-sized clubs into full-sized arenas.

If I Had $1,000,000 is also my "go to" karaoke song. The down side is you need someone to sing it with you, so I've occasionally ended up singing it with complete randoms. The upside is when you have someone who knows the song as well as you do, it's always a crowd pleaser. Kaylor and I have gotten compliments from strangers after our rendition.

If I had $1,000,000 I'd buy something nice for the wife, then we'd take a fun vacation. I'd bank the rest and attempt to live off the interest. After building up a few years of interest I'd probably buy a new place to live. I like where I live now, but if I could buy a really nice new condo or single family place that'd be even better. The new place would have a game room and I would buy an Addam's Family pinball machine and a pool table for that room.

I'm guessing everyone here is familiar with the song, so instead of the Gordon version here is live version from a 2004 Philly concert:

If I Had $1,000,00 - Barenaked Ladies

The 2nd song (actually the 4th, 5th, 6th, and 7th) heard was If I Had A Boat. It's a Lyle Lovett song, but the Lyle Lovett version is the last one I actually heard. I first found the Dave Matthews Band thanks to Napster in 2000, then the Eddie From Ohio and Jimmy Buffett covers. It's one of those songs that speaks to me for some reason. I think it's my chronic urge to get away from things.

If I really had a boat, I'm sure I'd have no idea what to actually do with it. I'm don't think I would take it out onto the ocean. Knowing me I'd sink the thing 1st time out. If I'm going to sink a boat I'd rather do it in a nice recreational lake. So I guess that means I don't really want to get away from things, I just want to be somewhere I can float and drink a beer. The pony would be a nice though. I could rent it out for kids parties and finally have a source of income. That is assuming of course that you make more money renting a pony out than you spend on the costs of pony upkeep. This may be a losing proposition all around.

If I Had A Boat - Lyle Lovett
If I Had A Boat - Eddie From Ohio
If I Had A Boat - Jimmy Buffett
If I Had A Boat - Dave Matthews Band

So if you had $1,000,000 and/or a boat (and pony,) what would you do?

from I Wish to If I Ever Feel Better

Day 870, Session 144:
When/Where: Thursday November 13th - Car/Post Office/Best Buy/Car
First song: I Wish by Skee Lo
Last full song: If I Ever Feel Better by Phoenix
Progress: 2175-2192 of 6109
Total Songs Heard: 1859

I Wish - Skee Lo
Despite the fact that I'm almost exactly the average height for a white male I think, like Mr. Lo, I will always wish I were a little bit taller. 6 foot even would be awesome, but unless I'm having the world's most delayed growth spurt I don't think that's going to happen.

I'm still bitter that I was ripped off by puberty. Other guys I knew went through growth spurts, adding 5 or 6 inches of height in the course of a few months. I never spurted (and yes, let's all take a moment to giggle at the fact that I just typed that.) I think I was something like 4' 10" when I was 12. 6 years later I had topped out around 5' 9" but at no point during that time did I grow more than 2 or 3 inches in a year. I had one friend who grew 6 inches between the end of one school year and the start of the next. One minute we were approximately the same height, next thing I knew he turned out 6' 6".

Maybe it's a little harder for tall guys to find clothes that fit but that's about the only disadvantage I see. I'm a firm believer that at general admission concerts, there should be a line on the floor that separates the crowd into those under six foot (the front) and those over (the back.) Ladies if your 4-inch heels put you over, it's behind the line for you. (You deserve the back anyway. Who wears 4-inch heels to concert?)

(I became reacquainted with Skee thanks to the flashback inducing "It Came From The Nineties" feature at Can You See The Sunset... If you'd like to share in the time travel, I suggest checking it out.)

I Wish I Could Go Back To College - Avenue Q
It has occurred to me during my period of unemployment that I could go back to college. Unfortunately going back to college would not solve the fundamental question: "What do I want to do with my life?" At this point, people go back to college with a specific goal in mind. Until I have a better idea of what that is, going back to college would be a lot like unemployment only with a lot more textbooks and a tuition bill where there currently isn't one.

If I Could've Been - Working
In case you didn't notice, I'm featuring back to back songs from musicals. You probably didn't notice because if you haven't been in the musical Working, you probably haven't heard of it. It's based on a book of conversations about people's jobs by Studs Terkel (R.I.P.)

As tempting as it is to take this song as another opportunity to complain about the current state of things and what I could've been*, instead I'd like to point out two things:
1) The end of the first verse "A tower of strength, a center of power, for TEN BUCKS AN HOUR." This musical was developed in the '70s. Many of the people featured had jobs at the lower end of the job scale and yet they were still making (and rolling their eyes) at ten bucks an hour! Ten dollars an hour in 1970's money is something like $47.69 an hour now and yet many of the jobs I see everyday in my search for work are still offering $10 an hour**! (and I live in a big city!) I guess what I'm saying is... Where the hell did the economy go completely off the rails (I'm blaming trickle-down Reagan when executive pay started expanding greatly while base employee pay didn't move much) and what the hell is it going to take to get a real living (minimum) wage bill passed in this country??
2) We did this song in my college production with different folks soloing each verse. If you want to try to imagine me on stage pay attention to the second verse. (From "If I could've done..." to "Paid all my bills.) I enter slowly from stage left in my meter reader costume. It sounds just like this except an octave lower***, without any vibrato, and without any of the vocal flourishes. Once my solo is done, I'm going to find a seat and sing the chorus parts as more folks come on stage and we rebuild to the tableau that we started the show with. I loved this show and will surely be mentioning it again in the J's.

*If you've read the whole post you know that if I could've been something different, it would've been taller.
**Which isn't to say that there shouldn't be some $10 jobs. Temporary seasonal employment, fast food, dog walker...sure. It's when I see jobs with titles like "Marketing Associate" and "Executive Assistant" that want a college degree and experience offering $10-12/hr that I shake my head.
***Despite not getting the growth spurt part of puberty I did get one overnight adjustment. I went from pre-pubescent alto to pubescent baritone overnight. Which in retrospect was kind of great. I avoided the whole voice cracking a lot stage, and the juxtaposition of my size vs. my voice's pitch was quite a surprise in the school choruses I performed in back in the day.

from I Saw Three Ships to I Want to be a Hulkamaniac

Day 853, Session 142:
When/Where: Monday October 20th - Driving back from the burbs after attending The Wife's school's homecoming game.
First song: I Saw Three Ships by Barenaked Ladies
Last full song: I Want to be a Hulkamaniac by Hulk Hogan and The Wrestling Boot Band
Progress: 2141-2162 of 6137
Total Songs Heard: 1819

"Why?" you may ask. "Why on earth do you have a song by Hulk Hogan in your collection?"

"First of all," I reply, "Let's not forget The Wrestling Boot Band. Second, I like professional wrestling and grew up at least a little bit of a Hulkamaniac."

That being said, I find this particular song terrifying. Between The Hulkster's faux-rap and the mindless drone of the background singers, I feel like the point of this song is to indoctrinate me into the cult of Hulk. On the plus side, I hear membership privileges include your very own tear away yellow muscle shirt. On the minus, at this point Hulk Hogan is frightening. The fact that I believe Hulk Hogan to be the type of guy who would try to lead a cult only scares me more. (This fear did not stop me from watching the first episode of Hulk Hogan's celebrity wrestling reality show. It was awful. (Also, I was disappointed Tiffany (yes the 80's pop star) was eliminated and I'll probably watch it again.))

Give this a listen if for no other reason than to have a good laugh:
I Want to be a Hulkamaniac - Hulk Hogan and the Wrestling Boot Band

(If that doesn't succeed in inducting you into the cult of Hulk, try this to the Batman theme: "nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah nah, Hulk-ster.")

Now from the better music department I bring you this song from friend of the blog Josh Joplin:
I Shall See - Josh Joplin

I feature this particular song for 3 reasons:
1) I love that it sounds like something that would have been recorded in the 1960's.
II) Josh and Garrison Starr (you may remember them from this) have announced that they will now be performing together as Among The Oak & Ash. This is great news for fans of both singers as they're great individual musicians and when I saw them in Chicago they showed a fantastic chemistry when they shared the stage. A new album is in the works and I'm sure I mention it here once I have more information. For now, you can hear streaming versions of 4 songs on their new web page.
C) The heretofore unheard from Australian contingent has checked in. Emma is another big Josh Joplin fan who, like me, has spent a lot of time trying to track down the first two Josh Joplin Band cds. Per her request I've made my early Josh stuff available for a limited time here. I also encourage you to check out Emma's site, Imaginary Dinosaur. I learned quite a lot about crabs there.

Have good weekends everybody. If you get a chance, please send some good thoughts the way of the Philadelphia Phillies. My hometown has gone 100 consecutive seasons in the 4 major sports without getting to celebrate a title. In the words of Marty from Delaware, "Boston did it. The White Sox did it. Why can't us? Why can't us?!?"

Why Can't Us?

from I Love Rocky Road to I Saw Mommy...

Day 844, Session 141:
When/Where: Saturday October 11th - Driving back from the burbs after attending The Wife's school's homecoming game.
First song: I Love Rocky Road by "Weird Al" Yankovic
Last full song: I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus by Jimmy McGriff
Progress: 2121-2140 of 6137
Total Songs Heard: 1797

It's been a while, but a song had to be deleted. While I enjoy Sarah McLachlan I find I Love You to be over wrought in its emotionality. I don't hate the song, but what I do hate is techno music... and what I especially hate is a 9-minute techno remix of a song that I already found kind of grating to listen to. I Love You (Techno Remix) - deleted! (Sorry Kerstin, I know there was a very specific reason you included it in that mix cd you gave me that one time, but I was never going to listen to it again.)

For posterity's sake, I'm linking the song here. I couldn't even make it through the whole thing. Can you?

I Love You (Remix) - Sarah McLachlan

I just don't understand techno remixes, but as we drove back from the game my sister and I figured out where they must have come from. Here's our theory... club djs used to spin music much like radio djs. I mean sure they worked some transitions between songs, but otherwise every 2.5 to 4 minutes they had to change the record. Then one time, some dj was playing a song when the needle skipped right in the middle of an instrumental section. The dj was busy hitting on someone when the skipping started so it took him two minutes to even notice the song was skipping. When he did notice, he discovered that the people in the club simply didn't care that the same 8 second clip of music had been playing over and over again for the last 2 minutes, they were still dancing. Eureka! Why be forced to switch songs every 3 minutes when, with a few strategically applied record scratches, you can stretch that 3 minute song out to 10 minutes?

From that day forward bars that also feature dancing became awesome for people who like dancing but absolute hell for people who like music. And that, my friends, is why I will never go 'clubbing.' I don't like my dance music techno-y, I like my dance music funky. (The idea of me dancing to this song is actually terrifying, but the song is still great.)

I Need More Love - Robert Randolph & The Family Band

Finally, thanks a lot Robot Chicken. Now I can't hear I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus without thinking of this:

from I Lost On Jeopardy to I Love Paris

Day 835, Session 140:
When/Where: Thursday October 2nd - Driving home from a job interview.
First song: I Lost On Jeopardy by "Weird Al" Yankovic
Last full song: I Love Paris by Jack Constanzo
Progress: 2162-2168 of 6112
Total Songs Heard: 1777

First of all: Hooray! Job Interview! I think it went well and the place with which I interviewed would be a good fit. I'm keeping my fingers crossed (well, not now so much, typing with crossed fingers = hard.)

The other good news is that it's only a 7 song drive. Of course I probably wouldn't drive much, parking around Chicago is expensive.

I Love N.Y.E. - Badly Drawn Boy

Great little instrumental from a great little movie, "About A Boy," which is based on the Nick Hornby book. If you haven't seen the movie or read the book, I recommend you do both.

New Year's Eve isn't really a big deal for me, so I was pretty surprised when I sat here thinking about it to realize that I can remember what I was doing each New Year's Eve since 1997 (not coincidentally the first one with The Wife.)

1997/8 - Celebrate back in Philly with Mike, Kristin, and Kerstin. The Wife and I had been dating for a little over 2 months. Meeting my high school friends and Philly family on the trip was a pretty big deal. She passed with flying colors. I have photos from this N.Y.E. that, if I ever bought a scanner, would be sure to amuse the people who were there.
1998/9 - Just me and The Wife in her parents basement in C-bus. We watched a movie, I fell asleep before the ball dropped.
1999/2000 - The big millennium! The Wife and I went out to dinner, and then joined an in progress party at the BOX (my college house.) A loud and fun way to say goodbye to the good ole 1900s.
2000/1 - In Chicago at The Wife's apartment. Just me, her, and her roommate hanging out watching Dick Clark. Kinda lame, er... I mean, quiet.
2002/3 - The Wife and I threw a party at our favorite apartment in Chicago. The Wife made a ton of lasagna and it was delicious. After 'celebrating' (here being code for drinking) all night, Kaylor joined me at 6am as I ran out into the streets of Chicago and berated the sun for 2002 being such a shitty year. This was probably a great start to the year for some of my neighbors as they were awoken at 6 in the morning by the lunatic yellings of a crazy person. Probably the last year in which I was able to actually party all the way through to 6 the next morning.
2003/4 - The Wife and I threw another party at another, not as good apartment. Kaylor (middle,) Jay & Mel, Liz & John (right,) Kate & Ryno, Chip, and Mace were all there. For some reason, my hair was blondish and Jon, John, and I thought it best to welcome 2004 with grimaces on our faces.
2004/5 - The party was at Kaylor's this time. We had dinner and played board games and watched various balls drop.
2005/6 - Maybe this year was at Kaylor's place. Either way I guess I was lying about remembering every year since either 04/05 or 05/06 escapes me.
2006/7 - The Wife and I celebrated alone at our new home. She had a glass of champagne and fell asleep. I finished the rest of the bottle and watched Garrison Keilor's Central Time Zone New Year's show. This may be the N.Y.E. where I officially became old. I do remember having a great champagne buzz.
2007/8 - The Wife and I were in Vegas with the family. We rung in Central, Mountain, and Pacific time zone New Years at the same blackjack table at our local Lake Las Vegas casino. I drank champagne from a fountain and actually won some money.

Now if I can just get back to work soon, I won't have to spend N.Y.E. 2008/9 yelling at the sun again.

(You may have noticed that I skipped N.Y.E. 2001/2... there's a story there for another day.)

from I Guess He'd Rather... to I Know

Day 825, Session 138:
When/Where: Monday September 22nd - Walking around Jewel singing along and drawing strange looks.
First song: I Guess He'd Rather Be In Colorado by John Denver
Last full song: I Know by Barenaked Ladies
Progress: 2132-2148 of 6088
Total Songs Heard: 1766

Warning: The following post contains (more) adult language (than you'll usually find here).

Opening statement: Although the song and story featured today may indicate a dislike for the police, that is not the case. Except for the two mentioned below, I have no problem with the real police (I don't count dayton campus security as the real police.) The jerks that give you parking tickets in Chicago are not the police, but the Department of Revenue. If there were a song about how much I hated the Department of Revenue, I'd agree with it. Back to the cops... I generally like them. I've been on an improv team with a cop. I performed a cop's wedding. So 99% of the time me and cops get along great. But this one time...

A little research on the web tells me that it was November 2nd, 2001. It was a Friday night. It had been a long day at work, so while Kaylor (my roommate) and The Girlfriend and a few others had already headed out for the evenings festivities, I decided to stay home for a while and rest up. I probably wouldn't have gone out at all, but we were heading over to IO to catch a midnight show featuring one of the The Girlfriend's friends from high school.

I changed into the most expensive piece of clothing I owned: a shirt from Tank's Bar in Dayton. (The shirt was so expensive because it was your reward for drinking your way around the world of their imported beer selection. 45 beers at around $4.50 a pop... you're right around $200 (I didn't own a suit.)) The shirt featured flags of various countries from around the world running down the sleeves. Around 11 I headed out the door.

It was a cool-ish night so I stuck my hands in my pockets to keep warm and walked with a bit of pace. I was about half a block from my apartment when a car came roaring up behind me and screeched to a stop half up on the curb. I turned around to look as a guy jumped out of the car and yelled, "Hey you, get the fuck over here!"

I decided I most certainly was not going to go join that gentleman and turned around to continue walking. At this point a second guy jumped out of the passenger side and yelled, "Where the fuck do you think you're going?"

At this point I turned around again and noticed that both guys who had jumped out of the car were pointing guns at me.

These are the thoughts that go through your head when you have two guns pointed at you:

"Should I yell for help? Wait, I read somewhere that people don't pay attention if you yell help. I think maybe I'm supposed to yell 'fire!'"
"If I run, I at least have a chance to get away. If I go to the car they can grab me and throw me in."
"Should I run straight down the street because that would be the fastest way to get to a more populated street or attempt to cut between houses because that would provide more cover?"
"While I run, is there a way I can make one part of my body an easier target? I've heard getting shot in the shoulder or the butt isn't too bad. How can I run in a way that makes my shoulder look like an inviting target?"
"Thank goodness my health insurance went into effect immediately, getting shot will involve a lot of medical bills."

As all these thoughts go through my head, I continue standing there facing these two guys with my hands in my pockets. Meanwhile, the two guys continue to scream every obscenity in the book at me. In fact, they are screaming over each other so much that it takes me several more seconds to figure out that they're instructing me to, "Take your fucking hands out of your fucking pockets and put them on the fucking car asshole!"

Finally, it occurs to me that these guys must be cops. Plain clothes cops. In an unmarked car. Who didn't actually identify themselves as the police before they pulled their guns. Who, come to think of it, still haven't clearly identified themselves.

Now I'm mad. The adrenaline that was released when I saw the guns has turned that anger into something closer to rage. If I hadn't managed to keep my head long enough to pull my hands out of my pockets slowly, I might not be here today to type up this story. As soon as my hands were out of my pockets though, I decided it was time to yell back.

"Show me a motherfucking badge!" I yell as loudly as I can. I continue to yell this as loudly as I can, over and over, as I work my way slowly over to their car. They never do show me a badge, but at this point I'm sure if they were going to rob me they'd be quicker about it. They still have their guns on me.

I put my hands on the car. At this point the fat one (in my mind he immediately becomes Sipowicz) asks me, "Why did you have your hands in your motherfucking pockets? Where do you live?"

"Right over there," I answered. "I'd point at it, but that would require me taking my hands off the car."

"Do you have anything stupid in your pockets?" the other one asks as he prepares to frisk me.

"That depends on your feelings about Altoids." I reply.

As skinnier cop pulls out all the stupid stuff in my pockets (keys, wallet, and yes Altoids) Sipowicz asks, "Why didn't you come over when we told you? You could have got shot."

"Why didn't you identify yourselves as police?" I reply. He doesn't answer.

Non-Sipowicz gets on the radio, "We've got a Caucasian male in a long sleeve shirt with writings on the sleeve around the area of that home invasion."

Radio: "We're looking for a hispanic male in a plain green sweatshirt."

Cops: *silence*

Me: "Well that doesn't sound like me."

Sipowicz: "You can go. Next time don't walk with your hands in your pockets."

Me: "Next time identify yourselves before you pull your guns. I want your names and your badge numbers."

Sipowicz (heading back to the car:) "You're not going to get that."

Me: "Well how about a motherfucking apology you assholes!"

I didn't get that either.

I Hate Cops - Wally Pleasant

from I Feel Like Myself to I Got You

Day 815, Session 137:
When/Where: Friday September 12th - Wandering around Chicago
First song: I Feel Like Myself by Tom Waits
Last full song: I Got You (with Andrew Bird) by Wilco
Progress: 2132-2144 of 6088
Total Songs Heard: 1749

First of all: Happy birthday Mike.

And now to your irregularly scheduled post.

When it comes to music, The Wife and I agree on almost everything. When it comes to everything else we hardly agree on anything at all. It's a wonder we're still married.

I keed.

When our musical opinions differ, we can usually tolerate the taste of the other. I tolerate her Rush, she tolerates my... well, I don't know what she has to tolerate seeing as how my taste in music is awesome. There are two things in my music collection that she absolutely CAN NOT STAND.

I Gaer - Sigur Ros

I was introduced to Sigur Ros by my (now) brother-in-law. I will admit that they can be a difficult band to wrap your brain around. They sing many of their songs (including this one) in the non-existent language of Vonlenska. I find it all atmospheric, entrancing, and sometimes moving. The Wife finds it long, incomprehensible, and always pointless. This is not my favorite Sigur Ros song in my collection but once I heard the next song I knew writing about Wife hate would be the topic du jour.

I Get Wet - Andrew W.K.

Maybe the only thing in my collection she hates more than Sigur Ros is Andrew W.K. She can't stand the stupidity (I choose to think of it as simplicity) of the lyrics, the way every song features an insistent driving beat, and she especially can't stand the yelling. I disagree with her on every point. The driving lyrics and the yelling fire me up. To me, the simple lyrics show a guy who isn't trying to do too much. If I had to decipher anything out of all the noise it'd be too much trouble instead I can just bang my head along to the beat (and later hold my neck and curse because I was banging my head too hard.

These are not the two best songs that Andrew W.K. and Sigur Ros have to offer, but they are a representative sample. Take a listen and then vote in the poll over on the side there as to who in this case is right: Is it me (who thinks these artists are cool) or The Wife (who thinks these artists suck)?

Finally today, thanks to whoever set the new standard by which all future weird search results for this blog will be measured. If you Google: Romantic relationships with "step siblings" -japanese, -anime. You too can end up here. I cringe at the idea of what they were looking for, and assume they didn't find it here.

from I Can't Wait... to I Feel Like Home

Day 807, Session 136:
When/Where: Thursday September 4th - Afternoon chorefest
First song: I Can't Wait To Get Off Work by Tom Waits
Last full song: I Feel Like Home by O.A.R.
Progress: 2076-2099 of 6031
Total Songs Heard: 1736

Some days the brain just doesn't agree with the whole writing thing. This is one of those days. So instead of dragging this out here are two quick hit thoughts on the 24 songs heard:

I Crush Everything - Jonathan Coulton: I think we've all been the giant squid. Wanting something so badly that all your attempts to achieve it end up smashing everything all to hell. Just off the top of my head I can think of 3 terribly overwrought attempts to explain myself to ladies whose company I desired that ended up with me alone and realizing that my own (over-)efforts had helped contribute to sinking my chances.

I Don't Wanna Grow Up - Tom Waits: I've mentioned before that making the cd that played during dinner at the reception was one of my few contributions to the overall excellence that was my wedding. What I don't think I've mentioned is that the cd did include what was originally my last (and at that point in the evening totally belated) protest against getting married. Getting married was one more step in the ongoing process of Growing Up. I've never been much of a fan of that process. I thought about removing the song from the cd lest I seem like an immature jerk, but I had earlier realized that one of the reasons I loved The Wife was that she wasn't asking me to grow up. She already knew exactly how grown up I was (or wasn't) and she liked me just the same.

One completely non-related to me note. If you're a Ben Folds fan you should head on over to Fuel Friends. Heather is featuring the first single off of Ben's upcoming cd "Way To Normal."

And now for something not quite completely different

I've been a Matthew Sweet fan since his 1991 cd "Girlfriend." The title track still has one of my favorite song openings ever. So when the opportunity came along to take a listen to the new Matthew Sweet release "Sunshine Lies" I thought I'd take it.

"Sunshine Lies" features all the goodness you'd expect from a Matthew Sweet effort. The layered vocals, slide guitar and cool pop are all present. His voice is just as distinctive now as it was in 1991.

Now pardon me for a moment while I realize that 1991 was literally half a lifetime ago....

To self: Actually it was more than half a life ago, not only are you old, but your math is apparently failing you. Sweet jeebus.

This is the thought that was going through my head as I listened to the opening track Time Machine. Yes the title contributed to the realization of how much time had passed, but the other thought that popped was, "This sounds like something that I would have enjoyed back then." Which isn't to say "Sunshine Lies" sounds dated... for me "Girlfriend" still stands up. "Sunshine Lies" stands up with it, but they're also not the same. "Sunshine Lies" has a harder edge to it. Of course I also have a harder edge now at 32 than I did at 15, so I suppose it makes sense.

My favorite songs are the first (Time Machine) and last (Back Of My Mind, the closest to a classic Matthew Sweet style ballad on this cd.) The moral of the story is if you like Matthew Sweet, you'll like "Sunshine Lies."

Edited the next day to add: The more I've thought about this, the more I think this is more applicable: If you love "Girlfriend" and "100% Fun" you'll probably like "Sunshine Lies" but you'll miss the slower stuff. If you liked "Altered Beast" you'll enjoy "Sunshine Lies."

"Sunshine Lies" was released 8/26 is is currently available in stores, or online at all the usual places (like Amazon.) A special edition 2-LP release (complete with bonus tracks) is also available.

With an new album also comes a tour:
10/20 Boulder, CO – Fox Theatre
10/22 Minneapolis, MN – First Avenue
10/23 Chicago, IL – Park West
10/24 Pittsburgh, PA – Mr. Smalls
10/25 Cleveland, OH - Beachland
10/27 Boston, MA – Paradise Rock Club
10/28 NY, NY – Webster Hall
10/29 Falls Church, VA – State Theatre
10/30 Atlanta, GA – Variety Playhouse

Time Machine - Matthew Sweet
Daisychain - Matthew Sweet (audio stream)
Byrdgirl - Matthew Sweet (video stream)

from I Am Part... to I Can't Wait

Day 793, Session 135:
When/Where: Thursday August 21st - Another jog/walk up and down the street.
First song: I Am Part Of A Large Family by Great Lake Swimmers
Last full song: I Can't Wait by William Topley
Progress: 2068-2078 of 6049
Total Songs Heard: 1712

I've picked a bad weekend to go out of town. If you're in Chicago this weekend (perhaps you're coming into town to take my place as I head out,) I recommend setting up camp at Schubas. Friday night at 10 you'll get to see Great Lake Swimmers. GLS are Canadian and relaxed and folksy which are all things I tend to like (man do I miss Fruvous.) While I've never seen them in concert, if I was going to be in town I'm pretty sure I'd find their show to be a place where I could sit back and be enveloped by the music. And yes, I realize that wanting a concert to be a relaxing experience is just one more sign of my march into old.

I Am Part Of A Large Family - Great Lake Swimmers

Saturday night at 7, Garrison Starr is back in town. You may remember Garrison from this post. Well besides the fact that she was fun to hang out with, Garrison also put on a great show. I think this will make the 2nd time she's been back to Chicago since that awesome drunken karaoke filled night, and it's also the second time I'll be out of town. Again, if I were here, I'd be there. (She's appearing with Jim Bianco. I don't know him. I'll assume Jim is the brother of my middle school principal Mike Bianco, so don't misbehave or he may give you detention.)

I won't be at the shows this weekend because I'll be in Sea Isle City hanging out with the family and celebrating the first birthday of my nephew Orion.

Check this kid out:


Pretty awesome I know. In the hopes of eventually helping out the national team, this weekend I'm going to teach him to fall down and roll around on the ground in pain any time someone bumps him when he's near the ball.

So what kind of gifts do I get for a 1-year old? Music of course. Snack Time from Barenaked Ladies and Here Come The ABCs from They Might Be Giants. Sure the kid is only one and may not get them yet, but what does anyone really 'get' when they're one?

It should be a fun weekend. Hope your weekend is fun too.

(and yes, I realize it is somewhat shocking that I've posted twice in less than 24 hours.)

from I've Got Dreams... to I Am Not...

Day 789, Session 134:
When/Where: Friday August 15th - Puttering around the house
First song: I've Got Dreams To Remember by Oh Susanna
Last full song: I Am Not The Only Cowboy by Josh Joplin
Progress: 2056-2070 of 6038
Total Songs Heard: 1701

When I was thinking about going to college, there were two things I was sure I wanted to do:

1. Play ultimate frisbee.
2. Sing in an a capella group.

(Ok sure, there were other things that almost all teenage guys have on their list of things to do in college, but you all have active functional imaginations, so I'm not typing them out.)

I ended up doing neither. There was ultimate frisbee at Dayton, but it wasn't nearly as big as I had heard of it being at other schools. There was a club team, but no intramural league. I wasn't nearly committed (or skilled) enough to play on a club team. I don't think I really missed it that much. I played a lot of pick up volleyball and basketball, at least until drinking and bar trivia became my full time sport of choice.

I was however disappointed that I was not part of an a capella group. I had a pretty good excuse though. There was no a capella at Dayton. At least not in the 4.5 years I was there. I always found that strange. I thought a capella groups sprouted up at colleges like foot fungus in dorm showers. I guess I was wrong. I suppose it's ok though. I doubt any group I'd have been in would have been able to do anything as good as this:

I've Gotta Get A Message To You - Moxy Fruvous

Edit - Damn it. This was actually day 787, not 789. (Passing math classes was another thing I didn't do in college.) Fuck it, I like the song, I'm leaving it.