from Home Soon to Hopelessly Devoted

Day 672, Session 124:
When/Where: Tuesday April 22nd - Mopping the kitchen floor - ah glamorous life (someone please give me a job!)
First song: Home Soon by Oh Susanna
Last full song: Hopelessly Devoted To You by Clem Snide
Progress: 1983-1996 of 5889
Total Songs Heard: 1588

Three versions of Homeward Bound today, two proper Simon and Garfunkel versions and one off the cuff concert version from Fruvous. Hearing these songs got me to realizing that this particular musical treasure has absolutely no application to my life whatsoever.

When I was growing up, my Dad (at approximately the same age I am now) was going out of town all the time for work. He spent days upon days working and driving around Nowhere, West Virginia and Middle Of, Kentucky. Actually I believe he used to go to Hazard. Every time he got back from Hazard I asked him if he saw the Dukes. He never did (probably because the Dukes were in Hazzard, Georgia, not Hazard, Kentucky.)

Back when she was an engineer, the wife spent a lot of time on the road, mostly in Florida.

Even my professional student friends take extended trips away from home to exotic places like Antarctica and Rwanda.

I have been on exactly one business trip in my life. I went to Portland, Oregon and wasn't gone long enough to start thinking about Homeward Bound. I know everyone who does travel for business eventually tires of it, but there's a part of me that is really excited by the idea. So, yeah, if you've got a job to offer me, don't hold back just because it involves travel. I'd even be willing to get a passport.



Two other things I head today that I wanted to share. Being a nerd, I'm a big Weird Al fan, and one of my favorite things he does are his mash-up polkas, so here's one I heard today:

Hooked On Polkas - Weird Al

And being a theater nerd, I suppose I'm contractually obligated to be a fan of "Grease." The movie is ridiculous and I hold a grudge against the stage version based on the time I was on the crew and I almost had my ankle crushed while moving a piece of scenery, but I do like the music well enough. I especially like this cover by Eef Barzelay. He takes all of Olivia Newton John's manufactured Australian-playing-1950's angst and completely blows it out.



One more thing about "Grease." At the end of the movie when Sandy goes from good-girl to bad-ass-leather-girl... am I the only one who finds the transformation totally unattractive? I mean, completely ignoring the "you have to change yourself to get your man" message that it sends, I just find her hotter when she's playing the good girl. Am I the only one? Please use the poll over on the right to tell me whether I'm right, or whether I'm crazy.

from Happy Birthday to Happy, The End

Day 604, Session 112:
When/Where: Thursday February 14th - In the air between Chicago and Nashville.
First song: Happy Birthday by Clem Snide
Last full song: Happy, The End by The Innocence Mission
Progress: 1786-1796 of 5773
Total Songs Heard: 1418

It was time for my biannual trip to Nashville. (BTW, did you know that biannual and semiannual mean the same thing? You did? Oh. I had to look it up. As far as I know the prefix 'bi-' means 2 and the prefix 'semi-' means 1/2, so how can biannual and semiannual mean the same thing? English man... just one more reason to move to Finland and learn to speak Finnish.) There's about 40 minutes of usable air time between Chicago and Nashville and most of that time was spent hearing songs about different types of happy birthdays.

Seeing as how I am just 2 weeks removed from a birthday and then I hit this particular run of songs I took the time on the flight to order a jack and coke and reflect on birthdays past. Here are the ones I remember:

1978 - I turned 2. I don't actually remember this birthday, but according to photographic evidence I made a real mess of myself while enjoying some chocolate cake. Guests included my parents, Great-Great Grandmother and next door neighbors.

1981 - I turned 5 and we had a party at my house. Using the power of static electricity (and probably tape) my name was up on the dining room wall constructed entirely of balloons. I thought this was pretty much the coolest thing ever. Also, somewhere my parents found gigantic balloon. I spent a lot of the party wrestling the balloon with Zach Hafer playing the role of my tag team partner. Other guests included Mike Vardaro and Eddie Atkinson.

1984 - I turned 8 and we watched Herbie Goes To Monte Carlo in the basement of my house. This was a big deal because at the time, my family didn't own a VCR. We actually had to rent one (along with the movie) from the local West Coast Video (why West Coast Video was a big chain on the East Coast I still don't understand.) This was a big deal at the time. Guests included Mike again and the girl I had a crush on at the time Alanna. At least I'm pretty sure that's her name (Mike will confirm once he reads this.)

1987 - I turned 11 and a few of the guys came over for a sleep over. At this point we owned a VCR so I'm sure some type of movie was watched. If I had to guess I'd say there's also a pretty good chance we spent part of that overnight watching the Playboy Channel which came in scrambled (but not very well) on channel 19. What can I say, even at age 11 boobs were fascinating. Guests included Mike, and Brendan Roan.

1992 - I turned 16 and my parents through my one and only surprised party. The surprise totally worked. I had no idea. My dad told me he needed my help moving some boxes at his office and offered to pay me for my time. Since I didn't actually have any Friday night plans (yep, I was a winner back then too) I agreed. I had just had my hair buzzed almost entirely off, and it turned out that under all that hair, I had a very tiny head. Any time I think about getting my hair cut extremely short I think back to the pictures taken at this party. Guests included Mike, Brian McIntire and my cadre of K-named girl friends Kristin, Kerstin, Kierstin, and Kate.

1995 - I turned 19 at college. We played Twister in Joey and Ryno's room. We also played the very dangerous game of "how many people can we fit on the top bunk of that bunk bed?" (The answer was 14.) To the best of my knowledge, no alcohol was served this night. This would be the last time that would happen. Mike was not there, Joey, Ryno, Missy, and Mary were.

1996 - 20, still at college. This year we had 21-year old connections. We filled the mini fridge with beer and played Revolution (a more genteel version of Asshole.) Guests included Joey, Ryno, Jay, and Becky.

1997 - 21. I became the 21-year old connection as I was the first one in our house to hit the milestone. I celebrated my birthday proper by walking into the UDF at 12:03 am and buying two 40s. Which Joey and I then enjoyed on the porch of our house on the dark side. Later that day I bought my first keg. The house was full of people all party long and any time anyone saw me with less than half a beer, they poured some out of their glass into mine. Eventually I was drunk to the point where I knew I had to stop drinking, so I wandered upstairs and put myself to bed. The party went on for a few more hours without me. Guests included lots of people I didn't know, but who seemed to know me.

1999 - 23. Went to a Fruvous concert where the guys proceeded to play a multiple song encore dedicated to my birthday (this track will be posted when we hit the 'M's.) I think this is my favorite birthday. Guests included Joey, Sarah, Betsy.

2005 - 29. My sisters both came to visit for the weekend. We ordered deep dish pizza and they baked me a cake. A few days later we watched the Eagles in the Super Bowl. Even though it was my birthday, they refused to win. Except for the losing Super Bowl part, this birthday was pretty good too. Guests included The Wife, Kate, Alicia, and Potsie.

As you can see, I got a lot of remembering done during the very short flight. I saw recently there's going to be a game show where you're quizzed on things that happened in the course of your own life. I think I would be pretty good at it. (As long as they don't quiz me on too many things that happened this past weekend. I often come back from Nashville a little foggy.)

Happy Birthday - Clem Snide
Happy Birthday - Sufjan Stevens
Happy Birthday - Weird Al Yankovic

from Flowers In The Windows to Fontanelle

Day 486, Session 97:
When/Where: Sunday October 21st - Aboard Southwest flight 499 from Philadelphia to Chicago.
First song: Flowers In The Windows by Travis
Last full song: Fontanelle by Clem Snide
Progress: 1385-1399 of 5413
Total Songs Heard: 1142

Synergy people, synergy. I hit the section of songs that start with the word fly while I was in an airplane, flying back from Philadelphia. You couldn't plan this stuff any better. I managed to hear seven 'different' songs that started with fly. Different is in quotes because they were actually only 4 different songs. I have 3 versions of Fly by Moxy Fruvous and 2 versions of Fly From Heaven by Toad the Wet Sprocket. As an added bonus, the other two fly songs were by the same guy: John Denver.

I'd be lying if I didn't say it creeped me out a little to hear John Denver singing about flying while I myself was in an airplane. Luckily my flight ended without incident (of course all of his flights did too until the last one.)

The reason I was in a plane to begin with? I was flying back from Philadelphia where I served as the officiant at my cousin's wedding. This was actually my second wedding as Reverend Matt. My first was last summer for my sister and brother-in-law. That one went extremely smoothly as they had written out every single word that I was going to say during the ceremony. I got a hold of everything with enough time to add a few personal touches. It ended up being a fantastic experience all the way around.

This past weekend was also an experience. Not as much content was written for me before hand (just the vows,) so I surprised myself by writing a 15-minute ceremony just a few hours before things were supposed to get underway. Things ended up going great and of course the important part was that the bride and groom were satisfied (and married) at the end... but man oh man was it stressful.

The good news is, if you're getting married and need a Reverend, I have a ceremony written and ready to go.

The final song of the day tied in nicely to the whole wedding vibe. Fontanelle by Clem Snide was the song that I danced with my Mom with at my wedding. Due to the song's prayer like quality, I actually wanted it as part of our ceremony but apparently the Catholics have rules about what can and cannot be sung in a church. But if you're going to have me do your wedding, you should know that I have no such rules. You can definitely use this song.

Fontanelle - Clem Snide

Oh, and just so you don't have to look it up... fontanelle is the soft spot at the top of a baby's head. (The title of the cd the song is on? "Soft Spot".)

from Englewood to Episode 22

Day 393, Session 82:
When/Where: Friday July 20th - On the train from work to home.
First song: Englewood by The Bogmen
Last full song: Episode 22: John Hodgman and the Furry Lobster by Popsci Podcasts (from the Moon)
Progress: 1132-1153 of 5184
Total Songs Heard: 959 (skipped 14 podcasts, listened to 1)

Have you ever heard a song written about Enrique Iglesias' mole?

Enrique Iglesias Mole - Clem Snide

Now you have.

It's songs like this the mystify me as to why Clem Snide isn't bigger. Of course than I think about how strange the song is and how that makes me perhaps the worst person ever to judge what music should be popular. Of course you've probably already come to realize that.

The song above comes from ClemSnide.org. It's from a live recording of a 2003 Chicago performance at the Empty Bottle. I was there. Apparently not only was I there, but I looked important. How important? Important enough for some guy to walk up to me before the show started, hand me a cd of his band and ask me to please listen to it. So I took it. And then I watched the guy, figured he'd go up to several other people and hand them cds.

Nope.

I watched him for about 15 minutes and he didn't approach anyone else. He must have known that I was only 2 years removed from the radio industry.

When I got home I listened to the cd and I actually liked it quite a bit. I figured his ploy had worked, because I was planning on actually going to see the band if I ever saw they were playing in town. Unfortunately, I never heard anything about them and have now forgotten their name. Oh well.
________

Speaking of live music... if you ever see that Ben Kweller is coming to a town near you, I highly recommend you go. Caught him last night at Schuba's and it was outstanding.

from Dog Days of August to Don't Drink the Water

Day 196, Session 69:
When/Where: Thursday January 4th - At the desk for the first hour of the work day.
First song: Dog Days of August by Garrison Keillor
Last full song: Don't Drink the Water by Dave Matthews Band
Progress: 961-973 of 4785
Total Songs Heard: 829

Let's get right down to business shall we? Lots of advice coming from these song titles, telling me what not to do. Let's break them down:

Don't - Jewel: Yes, more Jewel. Just Don't? I need a little more clarification than that. Since it's Jewel I'm assuming she means one of two things: a) Don't listen to my music, or 2) Don't keep looking at my bewbs!

Don't Ask Me I'm Only The President - Badly Drawn Boy: Wouldn't be surprised if the current president actually used this answer under oath. I'm pretty sure I agree with BDB here. Let's hope this one is the last.

Don't Ask Me Why - Billy Joel: Ok, I won't ask, I'll just point out here that Christie Brinkley is still bringing it.

Don't be afraid of the dark - Y & T: Thanks guys, I'm not 6. This isn't really a problem anymore. I'm assuming if you're still afraid of the dark Y&T must stand for Young and Terrified.

Don't Be Afraid Of Your Anger - Clem Snide: This is good advice. I am not afraid of my anger. I embrace it. Revel in it even. My goal is to make other people afraid of my anger. I think it's working. You should also know that this song contains a fantastic line:

Don't be afraid of your anger. I'll eat it with mustard and wine.

I have no idea what it means, but it's fantastic.

Don't Change Your Plans - Ben Folds Five: This is advice I did not follow.
Don't Change Your Plans (live) - Ben Folds Five: Ok, technically maybe I did follow the advice of the song, since it specifically advises to not move to LA. Of course I was never really planning on moving to LA.

Don't close your eyes - Kix: I don't know how you guys sleep, but I'm an eye closer.

Don't Drink the Water - Dave Matthews Band: I believe in good hydration and generally drink 6-8 cups of water per day, so shut up DMB.
Don't Drink The Water - Dave Matthews Band: What's that you say? There's blood in the water? Ugh, I wish you had told me that 4 cups of AB-Negative ago.

Wednesday September 20th

Day 90, Session 26:
Location: Wednesday morning at the desk.
First song: Believer by Ben Kweller
Last full song: Better Than It Was by Fastball
Progress: 362-377 of 4293
Total Songs Heard: 329

Number of the day: 5. 5 songs that started their title with the word "Better." Two of those songs were actually called Better.

Now I attempt to answer the question, which is the better Better?

Better by Clem Snide vs. Better by Jonathan Coulton (Available online here. Download it, it's totally legal!) Time for a best of 3 showdown!

What's it about?
Both songs are about a relationship. Clem Snide's song is about how two people in a relationship are better together. Coulton's song is about how he liked his girlfriend better before she bettered herself by having a bunch of cybernetic implants added. In other words, both pieces explore classic musical themes. I'm going to have to give a small advantage to the Clem Snide song because I haven't yet had the occasion to have a discussion with someone about their cybernetic implants.

Representative lyric:
Clem Snide - "Hours are like little rocks, stuck in your shoes. Ours is a love so strong, it'll see us through."
Jonathan Coulton - "And you look like the victim of a surgical crime, a little Darth Vader, a little Optimus Prime. You used to be OK and I liked you that way, but I don’t think that I like you better"
Referencing Darth Vader and Optimus Prime? Advantage Coulton.

The music:
Clem Snide - By the end of the song it's a full fledged guitar/cello(!?!) break down. You wouldn't think it'd be possible to rock with a cello. This song proves otherwise.
Jonathan Coulton - Catchy guitar strumming, but it's the lyrics that drive this one more that the hook. Advantage Clem Snide.

So in this very scientific breakdown, it appears the better Better belongs to Eef and the guys from Clem Snide, but just by a bit. Unless I had to sing one of these at karaoke. Then I'm taking Coulton.

Wednesday June 28th - Morning

Day 6, Session 5:
Location: The morning commute... walk and train.
First song: Action by Clem Snide
Last full song: Adlib 2 by Barenaked Ladies
Progress: 96-105 of 3962

Clem Snide is one of those groups that I most probably never would have discovered were it not for someone else saying, "Hey, this sounds like something you would like." In this case thanks are due to my sister Kate. In 11 days I'll be in New York City for Kate's wedding. It'll be a little strange because I'm not part of the wedding party as brothers and sisters usually are (both of my sisters were part of the bridal party.) Nope, instead of being part of the wedding party, I'll actually be performing the ceremony. I quickly learned that "performing the ceremony" is the best wording for what I'll be doing. Telling people that "I'm marrying my sister and her fiance" made my family sound like we should be on some new HBO drama.

During parties back in college I was known to perform an occasional drunken wedding in the basement of the BOX. I liked using the line "By the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you..." (A line stolen from an episode of M*A*S*H.) I won't be acting under the power of intoxication next Friday, at least not until the reception. I just hope I don't accidentally perform several additional ceremonies while trying to relive the college fun.

BTW, you should take a listen to some Clem Snide (they're on iTunes,) I think you'd like it.